Taking Back Our Personal Power

Well, well, well!
I started a Blog!

Uh-oh... that's vaguely reminiscent of an old Bee Gees song, isn't it? And we all know how that turned out... 
Oh well, let's give it a shot!

In counseling a dear client today, I was aware that there are just SO many people going through hard times right now. Hard times financially, hard times with relationships, hard times with self-awareness and self-esteem... These are really hard times for so many of us. 

And we can't fix some of these problems - I mean, I can't go to the Federal Reserve or Congress and beat some sense into their heads. (Although I'd LOVE to!)  But we CAN help ourselves with some of the other issues we face these days. The anxiety, the fear, the concern that we aren't "good enough."  
It isn't easy to face our troubles, and we just plain don't LIKE doing it. 
But - whatcha gonna do?  Let the cycles continue?  
Well, yes, that's an option. It's just not a really great one.

This particular client is facing the depression and loneliness of being left by her spouse of 30 years for another woman. Naturally, it's left her feeling unworthy, at fault for his actions, and wondering what the hell is wrong with her, that he could do this?
How can I impress her with the idea that his choices had nothing to do with her? He just plain wanted to run away like a rebellious teenager. Midlife crisis? Maybe. But it sure wasn't his devoted wife who chased him away. We each make our OWN choices. No matter what's going on in our relationships, at the end of the day, WE choose. We choose to stay, despite negligence or abuse. We choose to stay despite stress and arguments. We choose to stay despite health or financial challenges. Or we choose to leave. We choose to leave despite knowing we're loved. We choose to leave because "the grass is greener." We sometimes choose to leave because it's a dangerous situation. (Not the case with this client.) 

WE CHOOSE.

He chose to leave, and she was pretty much stuck with the consequences of his choice. 
And the backlash of self-doubt, fear, anxiety, and depression at being left behind. 
After all, if she had been "better," wouldn't he have stayed?
Nope. Not at all a part of his decision. He just plain wanted a new life, and he went for it. 

 So, trying to kind of break it down Barney-Style, I tried to draw an analogy between giving someone else our personal power, and giving them our car. Yeah, I know... kind of a pale comparison. But please, hear me out... 

When we give our power to someone else, they own it until we find out how to take it back. Even if they have  no idea that we've given them our personal power, they own it. We gave it to them. Which also means that we can't quite let them go, because they still have our power. Until WE take it back, we're kind of stuck in the mire of that connection.

They can't GIVE it back, we have to TAKE it. 

Kind of like being connected to someone to whom we'd given our car. We just parked it in their garage one day, and left it for their use.  They have their own car. They don't need ours, and don't even remember getting ours. But there it sits. We need it to drive, and we know it's time to go retrieve it. BUT, we have to go get it out of their garage, put the key in it, and drive it away. They can't bring it back to us, because they've forgotten it's in their garage. Yet we can't go anywhere until we take it back. 

And THAT takes a lot of courage, and work. We don't have to tell them we're taking it back. We just have to get dressed, get over there, and pick it up. But we hesitate. "What if they're home? Will it be awkward? What if I've forgotten how to drive? What if the battery's dead and I need a jump? What if...." 
The kinds of things that paralyze us into thinking "I'll just wait till tomorrow."
But tomorrow never comes.

Even though we want and need that car back right now, we look at the effort it's going to take to go get it, dust it off, get it started, and bring it home.And the mere thought is overwhelming.
So... we go another day without wheels. And we go nowhere.
It's a scary, vicious cycle that's really hard to break. 

The funny thing is... the day we FINALLY strap on a pair and go get the car, we discover that the garage door was open, and the car still runs smoothly. Nothing is wrong with it at all. It's just been sitting there gathering dust, waiting for the day that it'll be used again. We take it, drive home, and get used to having our own set of wheels again.The first few times we drive, we feel kind of rusty. But after a little while, we're back to our comfort zone, and flying down the freeway fearlessly once again, radio blaring our favorite songs, and finding our way around town with ease.

Taking back one's personal power is not an easy task. It takes time. It takes courage.
After all, when we gave it away we were obviously more comfortable letting someone else have that power than we were with the idea of having it ourselves.

Get help. Whether we choose a friend to "go to the garage with us," or whether we need a professional's help, it's really just fine to get help. You'd never hesitate to get help when your air conditioning goes out in August. Well, this is a lot more important than air conditioning. It's about your REAL comfort. Inner comfort. The hard stuff.

Fear paralyzes us. Owning our own personal power can create a lot of fear. NOT owning it can do far more damage, and create far greater fear. Might as well take some baby steps today - strengthening ourselves is never wrong, and finding out at the end of the day that we've taken even one baby step is enormously rewarding!

Have courage! Have faith!
As Mufasa said to Simba, "Remember who you are"

Maybe that's the first step... remembering who we are. 

You are a magnificent creation of the Creator. Treat yourself accordingly!

I have faith in you. I've never doubted you. 

I love you.

Mama K