I'm such a complete failure! I've
screwed up my life so badly, and made so many terrible mistakes. I'm
so far gone, sometimes I feel like there's just no way back. Why even
bother to try – there's no way I can go back and do it all over
again, the right way. Is there any hope for me at this point?
Desperate and Lost
WHOA!~
Hold on there, “Desperate!”
Back off just a little. Please.
Stop.
Take a deep, cleansing breath.
Take a few more...
Now then. Ready?
Let's start at the beginning. You used
an “F” bomb there that I just will not tolerate from you – or anyone
else! No one walking this earth is a complete failure. In fact, I
think that's a contradiction in terms. Think about it – if you
were really a TOTAL failure, then you would have succeeded at
failing, which would make that a success!
And there is simply NO way I'll accept
that kind of language from you, anyway. You're how old? Twenty-three?
If we can't make mistakes, large and
small, when we're young, then when exactly should we make them? When
we're forty? Fifty? Sixty? I think it makes a lot more sense to
“screw up” when we're young, and still getting a handle on life
than when we're past the half-way mark. Believe me, we're human. We
are GOING to make mistakes. Big ones. Little ones. Some that we don't
even realize as we make them.
And please believe me – I'm pushing
sixty, and I'm still very, very adept at making mistakes.
Now then. You don't explain what your
horrible mistakes are, and why they make you feel despondent. But,
for the sake of argument, let's say they are Biggies. You know, maybe
even some of the Seven Deadlies. Remember them? I'll refresh your
Sunday School memory for just a moment. According to the book of
Proverbs, we have wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and
gluttony.
Okay then. So... have you been angry?
Wanting? Lazy? Proud? Horny? Jealous? Have you even over-indulged? I
have. I've done 'em ALL. (See? Once again, if you have, as well,
you're a success! Scored 100%.) Now, far be it from me to pooh-pooh the Bible, but
seriously... all of these things are common to humans. (Most likely
why the Bible says they are so very wrong.) I'm not saying they are
GOOD. They are HUMAN. And, all humans – I mean ALL of us, even the
best person you can imagine, has done at least ONE of these so-called
“deadly” things. (Kind of why the Bible mentions repentance and
forgiveness, I'd say.)
Now then. Whatever it is you have done,
whatever shortcoming you believe you have demonstrated, whatever sin
you believe you've committed, please stop thinking it is the end of
life as you know it. Not a single one of these things I've mentioned
is uncorrectable. Not one.
NOT.
ONE.
Let's take a step back, okay? You're
being so very hard on yourself. All is not lost. YOU are not Lost.
You might be desperate, which is a terrible thing to feel. And you
might be at the end of your rope – but I believe you can hang on a
tiny bit longer. Long enough to realize that the ground is right
under your feet, if only you'll look. You're being so cruel to
yourself – and you would never, ever be that cruel to your best
friend. So, let's take a step back. Pretend that we're talking about
your best friend. Your best friend ever.
If she came up to you and said any of
these things, would you beat her up like you're beating yourself up?
“I'm pregnant.”
“I'm addicted to (caffeine, nicotine,
alcohol, meth, etc.).”
“I was so ticked off that I slapped
________.”
“I'm the best thing ever. I can do no
wrong.”
“I hate Susie Q. I wish I had what
she has.”
“I haven't cleaned my house or even
taken a shower in a week.”
Seriously – would you turn your back
on your best friend for doing or feeling any of these things? Of
course not. You'd talk to her. You'd reach out to her. You'd correct
her, if she needed it. You'd hug her.
That's what I wish I could do right
now. Hug you. Whatever you have done, it's done. You're right. We
can't go back and undo things. We can't. Now then, since you can't go
back and re-do whatever brought you to this point, what can you do?
Good question.
First, you can stop beating yourself up
with hopelessness, because that isn't going to change the past,
either. Then, maybe, just maybe, you can accept the fact that you're
a human being. By nature, you're going to make mistakes. But you're
also going to make a difference in the lives that you touch. Remember
that. Humans are fallible. But they are treasures, too.
I know you love music – and, in
particular, Hard Rock. So I propose that, just for a few minutes, you
think of Jimmy “The Rev” Sullivan, from Avenged Sevenfold. I'm
pretty sure that if I'm familiar with him, you are, too. He got
caught in a downward spiral that took over his life, even as he was
trying to escape it.
I'm so proud of him for realizing where it was
leading, and trying to get out of it. As you might know, his physical
heart was flawed and weak, and it gave out at the tender age of 28,
never to beat again. In part, because it was flawed, and no one knew
it. In part, because the lifestyle he was living took a great toll on
it. And it was tragic. At times, he most likely did feel as desperate
as his lyrics sounded. Now think a moment. Did he touch your life?
Did at least one of their songs reach your heart? Was his life
wasted?
By no means.
And neither is yours, my friend.
Neither is yours.
You have touched me in many ways –
with your contagious smile, with your sense of fun, with your
generous heart that is so very vulnerable. Maybe that's what has
brought you to this point, huh? Being human also means being
vulnerable. We all hurt, we all suffer to some extent, we all die. We
are born as vulnerable as can be. Then we hit that phase where we
feel absolutely indestructible, right? Oh, I remember that phase!
(Sometimes quite fondly, sometimes thanking God I made it through.)
And now, you're in a new phase. The phase where you are so very, very
aware that you are, as Teilhard de Chardin said, “a spiritual being
having a human experience.”
Now, please. Please. PLEASE.
Whatever it is that you've done, said,
or felt, that has brought you to this point, do not consider the
action a definition of YOU. It is not your “definition.” You are
not simply the sum total of the things you have done in your life.
None of us is only that. We are complex, fascinating, dazzling beings
full of gifts, talents, and, oh, yes – weaknesses. But one thing
you are NOT, my dear, is whatever it is you have done. Whichever of
the Seven Deadlies you might have committed, even if all of them –
that isn't YOU. It's just something you've done.
You are not the
grade on your term paper.
You aren't even the term paper!
You're the
writer – the crafter – the creator. That's what you are.
Now then... maybe you have some things
to deal with. Addiction? (I hope not, but it's still something that
can be dealt with.) Pregnant? (Again, I hope not, but there are
answers.) Lust? Greed? Envy? Anger? Whatever it is, there is one
thing that I think is far worse – your idea that your situation is
hopeless. There is always room for hope. Hope is truly eternal. Hope
is what makes you get up in the morning (or whenever), no matter what
happened the night before. (I know, sometimes it's your bladder that
makes you do that, but please let me have this one.)
Hope and a smile.
And a hug.
That's what I beg, beg, beg you to
please find today. I don't even ask that you find the answer to your
unnamed problem right now. Just hope. And a smile. Even if it makes
your face crack. Find SOMETHING or SOMEONE that makes you smile. And
let it happen. Smiling is natural. ALL people all over the world
smile. Please. Today, be one of them. It lights up your face like a
spotlight shot through a diamond.
Please do that for me today. If
nothing else, look at a picture of Jonathan. I have yet to meet a
person who can't smile back at that beautiful, innocent face.
And then remember who you are to him. You are someone who has made HIM smile. You have given HIM the
gift of hope. You can't give someone something that you don't have.
There it is! I see it. Right there...
look! Your Hope. See it? You just forgot where you'd put it.
I love you.
Please, no matter what, please love
you, too.
Love,
Mama K
No comments:
Post a Comment